usually, i love making lists. i love the idea of reflecting on the year past and making new resolutions for the year ahead. i’ve even stuck pretty diligently to some of them (running and doing a couple 10k races)… while failing miserably at others (flossing, anyone? i always resolve to floss. then i proceed to never floss).
but this feels different. how can i make a nice, neat list of resolutions when i don’t know if i’ll get a job, or where i’ll live, or what i’ll be doing this next year? there is a huge pile of unknowns looming right in front of david and me, and the only coherent rally cry i can muster is to just make it through. it’s going to be a roller coaster. there’s going to be some huge changes.
there are things we are so excited for. traveling is at the top of that list. we hope to explore 6 different countries in the coming year (maybe more, you never know). we also can’t wait to be home, to spend time with our families, and live in familiarity. to get into routine, to cook, to drive, to soak up the iowa summer. we can’t wait.
but we are also coming home to no jobs, no place of our own, one car, and a storage space full of stuff. what if we can’t find jobs? what if all our friends forgot about us? what if we don’t fit in anymore? we’ve been away a long time.
we do feel ready for the next step. we trust that things are going to fall into place. but there’s a rush in all that unknown, like a gust of air on the edge of a precipice. it’s startling. it’s scary. and we can’t control it.
so i guess i’ll just resolve to go with it. to trust. to be outward-focused more than inward. to look around and soak it all up (“to travel is to be born and die at every instant…” – victor hugo) to try and think more about others, and less about myself. and to keep running.
oh, and floss.