usually, i love making lists. i love the idea of reflecting on the year past and making new resolutions for the year ahead. i’ve even stuck pretty diligently to some of them (running and doing a couple 10k races)… while failing miserably at others (flossing, anyone? i always resolve to floss. then i proceed to never floss).

but this feels different. how can i make a nice, neat list of resolutions when i don’t know if i’ll get a job, or where i’ll live, or what i’ll be doing this next year? there is a huge pile of unknowns looming right in front of david and me, and the only coherent rally cry i can muster is to just make it through. it’s going to be a roller coaster. there’s going to be some huge changes.

there are things we are so excited for. traveling is at the top of that list. we hope to explore 6 different countries in the coming year (maybe more, you never know). we also can’t wait to be home, to spend time with our families, and live in familiarity. to get into routine, to cook, to drive, to soak up the iowa summer. we can’t wait.

but we are also coming home to no jobs, no place of our own, one car, and a storage space full of stuff. what if we can’t find jobs? what if all our friends forgot about us? what if we don’t fit in anymore? we’ve been away a long time.

we do feel ready for the next step. we trust that things are going to fall into place. but there’s a rush in all that unknown, like a gust of air on the edge of a precipice. it’s startling. it’s scary. and we can’t control it.

so i guess i’ll just resolve to go with it. to trust. to be outward-focused more than inward. to look around and soak it all up (“to travel is to be born and die at every instant…” – victor hugo) to try and think more about others, and less about myself. and to keep running.

oh, and floss.


About breeanncowger

restlessly seeking, persistently hoping, remaining in awe of the world in which we live.
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2 Responses to resolve

  1. Denise Nahsen says:

    Ha! After every dental visit, I resolve to floss. And, I never do!
    You do have a year of changes coming. I will be praying for you and David. For the concrete things, like jobs and housing. Also for the non-concrete things, like fitting back in (NO ONE is going to forget about you two!!) and creating a new “normal,” and enjoying the great adventure that awaits, and being able to trust.
    “For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

    • breeanncowger says:

      Denise, thanks so much for the love and encouragement, i really appreciate it! we are ready to come home, and while there are some unknowns, we do just need to trust that everything will work out. can’t wait to see you!

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